I should be going home right now but I really don't want to. Today, I lost my cell-phone. I know I found out that I forgot it within about 10 minutes at the least but the problem was I found out when I was riding the shuttle away from the library (where I think I misplaced it). So I told Gulshan to call me and she did but some guy answered. She told him that it was her friends phone and she asked were it was. The guy hung up the phone. I don't think I'll ever hear from my phone again. It's really sad because this phone costs about $250 and it was my birthday gift from my parents. I think I should have gotten insurance on it. Hmm. Once I get it back or get a new phone, I'm going to pay for insurance. This is ridiculous that I'm so forgetful. The last time I lost something...it was my leather jacket. I was so afraid that I still haven't told my parents yet. I reported it to Cincinnati Bell Wireless already and they were so nice in basically setteling any issues I was confused/worried about. At least I don't have to worry about the fact that I have to pay for someone using the phone because it's all suspended and everything. I just wish that someone can turn in the phone since they have no reason to keep it now. Damn...you don't realize that you are missing something until you lose it. I think I take things for granted all the time...even people. :-( I need to go back to my lab report (which is due tomorrow) now.

I think I'm tired of the little pictures in front of all of my posts. From now on, I won't put them on. One reason probably for who it's been so long is maybe I've been using that as an excuse. I don't think I can be any lazier. :-) Oh well!
I'm supposed to be writing a lab report right now...and even though it's easy I really don't feel like doing it right now. I know it'd be better for me to do it because then I will have all day tomorrow to study for my Monday exam...but... When do I ever do anything that's "better" for me?

Zhen was at my house overnight tonight. He really is growing on me. My parents asked me if I loved him. I told them that it's just to live... something that they probably forgot that they told me a few months ago. I mean I don't want to hold it against them...but just some of my reasons on why I chose him was because of them....and now... I don't think I will be able to admit that for quite a while later... I mean physically we are so close...he's basically seen "everything" I know that sounds bad... but it really doesn't matter anymore once you know that you're going to marry the guy right? I'm not sure. I'm actually pretty bad when he's around now. At first I was shy about it. Now I think he is considered the shy one. lol I can't believe myself sometimes...


I'm listening/watching Enrique Iglesias's Hero video. I have it on repeat for some reason. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of it...also the song being pretty good on hitting my usual type of mood doesn't hurt it. I dont' understand it. I mean is he talking to the girl or what? Is he stealing her away from her brother or father? Then he gets beaten up...does he die? I wish there was a site that I could go to so that I can find out the meaning of some of these music videos.


Steve called today. He's in Dallas at the time which he called. I wish I could do that. I wish I could fly anywhere I wanted to and I only have to worry about the car parking and such. If that was the case I think I would fly to China extremely often. There really isn't much there that I could really want...just it's a symbol of what I want but can't have. I want to be a part of a group...any group...but I can't have that because of my race, age, sex, whatever... Some people want to be individauls...but I find that I would be happier as a groupie.

Wow! It's been like more than a month since I've written in here! I find it that everytime I am most stressed I do things that are totally different from what I need to do. Hmm...Maybe I should learn from that. Huh. Well what's happened since is that Zhen went to China for about 5 weeks leaving little 'ol me alone in Cincinnati. My friends have been doing a good job in trying to make me feel ok. They know how much I miss him. During the first couple of days, all of them tried to cheer me up.

Today is my final spring exam for Chinese. I don't have any more exams after this. I was just thinking about how I can be so silly sometimes. It's actually happened twice...the fact that I don't study that hard for Ecology and this other guy does...however when we take the exam, he does only a few points better than me. Most people think I have good luck...I think it's just the fact that I'm a great B.S.'er :-)
Hmm...lets see... I have to update my site soon. Since I got that one week for my "Summer break" I can probably go to work during the day and when I come home I can start working on re-doing some parts to the site. I think I want to post up wallpaper so that people could download it. It's just something that I find would be fun...I came across this site yesterday that I think is pretty cool. Click here to see it. Ok...I have to go study for Chinese now.

Oops...I kind of didn't write in this diary for a while. I think the reason was because so much was going on. I'd rather have sat there in front of the computer and thought instead of writing anything out. Well to re-cap...On Thursday, my parents met with him as the formal "ask the father for the hand of the daughter" type of deal. The following Friday after the previous entry, Zhen and I went on a date. I think I had lots of fun and finally got to figure him out. We watched Scorpion King together and then had dinner at Cooker (near my house). I got home by 9:30 and he left the house at 10:00. My parents have taken a nice, healthy liking to him. Well, he is a great guy... Dad finally realized one morning...I think it was Tuesday how much Zhen loves me. I think dad is happy for me. I've basically setteled down now. Most girls probably would go for a stable guy than a handsome twirl-you-around-your-heels type of guy. Zhen and I will be happy now...
Acutually, most of the people that I know now know as well. They are all happy for me...even thoughs that think they are in love with me. They were at first jealous...than all of them told me that "as long as I was happy..." I think I'm a pretty lucky girl. The previous weekend I decided that I will try to get a job as a dentist. That means...another 4 years in the ever expensive dental school...but it will be worth it. Once I get out I will probably be paid $230,000 and added to Zhen's salary, we can easily combined make 1/2 a mil per year. It's only that I have to get started studying. Right now, I'm stalling for time. Tomorrow is a busy day...and so will every day until the end of next weekend. From 2 to 6 tomorrow I have to oversee the fashion show practice. It's for AAWIG (Asian American Womens Interest Group) and AAA (Asian American Assocaition). For those of you who are in the area...it will be held on Thursday May 9th @ 1:00 pm located at the University of Cincinnati's Sigma Sigma Communs. Ok, I have to go study for Ecology...the exam is on Wednesday and the Organic exam will be on Thursday morning...which happens to be the same day as the fashion show and my ever feared Calculus exam. :-(.

What is the best indicator for a girl to find “the One”? Today, I’ve been thinking a lot about Zhen and I. I don’t think I love him as much as he does to me…there is just so much guilt because of that. I know that I care for him and that I do actually love him. However, there are certain times that I get annoyed or agitated by what he does…it’s not his fault either. It’s just how he is. But I’m just so picky by the fact that he does that one thing wrong or not the way I like it . I know that in my eyes, he is the smartest guy that I have come across, has good morals, works hard/studies hard, speaks/reads/writes both Chinese and English, and most of all he cares deeply for me and my well-being. I just can’t shake my thoughts about if I made the right choice and if I am willing to put the rest of my life into this…
I didn’t do much today. Actually I didn’t even go to Chinese class. The sad part was instead of studying (which I could have taken advantage of the extra time), I sat at the computer area and played Yahoo! Towers again. I think they should take it off so that I don’t have to play it. :-)