What is the best indicator for a girl to find “the One”? Today, I’ve been thinking a lot about Zhen and I. I don’t think I love him as much as he does to me…there is just so much guilt because of that. I know that I care for him and that I do actually love him. However, there are certain times that I get annoyed or agitated by what he does…it’s not his fault either. It’s just how he is. But I’m just so picky by the fact that he does that one thing wrong or not the way I like it . I know that in my eyes, he is the smartest guy that I have come across, has good morals, works hard/studies hard, speaks/reads/writes both Chinese and English, and most of all he cares deeply for me and my well-being. I just can’t shake my thoughts about if I made the right choice and if I am willing to put the rest of my life into this…
I didn’t do much today. Actually I didn’t even go to Chinese class. The sad part was instead of studying (which I could have taken advantage of the extra time), I sat at the computer area and played Yahoo! Towers again. I think they should take it off so that I don’t have to play it. :-)

This post is for Monday
I think today could have been a worse day then it turned out to be. The reason is probably the fact that I did not get my Organic Chemistry test back as I had expected. Knowing how bad I probably did, I think it's better not to see if for a while. In lab, it was fine too because I didn't make too many big mistakes. Well, other than the fact that I basically stabbed myself with a pipet because I didn't realize that it was there. Everything else went along fine...the directions in the protocol was not that hard to follow as some of the other labs I've done so far this quarter. In fact, I even finished before Olga and Gulshan did. Mom and Dad went away today for a meeting...I had to drive to school in the morning drive back at night. I actually got back home around 6:10...just about 20 minutes after lab ended. For some odd reason, I can't focus on my studies. It's really wierd now. Somethings (Mostly to do w/ Zhen) that I've only been daydreaming about for the past few months is now basically true. I really don't know what to think about that. Actually, now I have a mild form of performance anxiety. :-)

This is the weekend entry written on Sunday but was not posted up until today
Ok, I’ve made a decision. From now on, I will write in this journal six times a week. This way I can do things on the weekend and not worry about when I will have time to write in this journal. The Saturday and Sunday entries will be combined into one. That way I will only have to catch up on Sunday with a really long entry but so much easier than logging in on two separate days for about 15 to 30 minutes for each.
Actually there are lots of things to talk about that happened to me on Saturday and Sunday. First of all I went to the picnic where a whole lot of Chinese people went and we all had lots of fun eating and playing basically. I ended up playing tennis barefoot with three guys I don’t know (one older and the other one like a teenager) and also Zhen. It was tiring and hot but also fun. Some of the other people that went there were: Kenny, Kevin, Matthew (along with their parents), Chen (and his parents), teacher Ma, and the Ma Zhong family. One person that really disappointed me this day is a girl named Cindy. I remember about when I was 15 or 16 at the Chinese church and also the Chinese school I had met her and kind of became friends with her. Well, today I saw her again after such a long time and I called her name then waived and smiled. However, it was weird in the fact that she just smiled back and kept on going on with what she was doing as if she did not want to talk to me at all. Some people are just rude like that. And it’s just a shame that it had to happen to Cindy…poor naïve little girl. In my mind she will always be a little girl following me around attempting to duplicate everything that I had done. I know though that she has changed and have changed into a snobbish un-personality anything person. It’s quite sad really.
After the picnic we (as in Zhen and his parents, my parents and I, and Chen’s parents…not Chen) all went to Costco (a very nice warehouse store selling everything in bulk) because teacher Ma had the card while the rest of us didn’t. Then it was already around 5:30 when all of us drove to China Garden for dinner. At dinner my godmother said; “so you think I don’t like you?” I don’t think I’ve been angrier with Zhen for saying anything before that. Of all of the words I’ve said to him that he can pass on…he chose the most detrimental thing to say.
That night I ended up going to a ballroom dancing type of thing with Chen’s parents and also Jessie’s mom. It was kind of weird in the fact that I was with Chen’s parents…because it kind of has to do with the whole story about how I think…or heard or whatever that Chen likes me and his parents would probably do anything to become my parents-in-law. Well anyway, about the dance…it was interesting because I got to learn the waltz. Even though, I had are really smelly old guy (who happened to be extremely slow) as my dancing partner while we were learning how to waltz. The teacher was very talented in attempting to teach everyone how to dance. Afterwards, we all got to dance for about two hours to whatever types of music that was played by the DJ. I tried to learn all the moves my different dance partners taught but it was just so confusing anyway because there were just too many moves for each type of dance and my feet seemed like there were made to both be left feet. I think I like it a lot. Just the only problem is that I don’t have time to learn the dance moves and nor do I have the time to practice them either so that I won’t forget them.
The biggest thing that happened on Saturday was that Zhen and I ended up talking for about 5 hours at night and we kind of decided that we were now a couple. I know it sounds weird that at first he was my god-brother and now suddenly we are dating…but it really isn’t that severe. I kind of told him that I knew how he felt for me throughout the time I’ve known him and that I just wanted some time/room/responsibility-less and all that related to not having to become his girlfriend. I finally told him that I like him too and that I have been in love with him for a while now. It’s kind of hard to explain how this works…but… While we were talking we also realized that just saying we are now a couple kind of entitles him to basically claim me as his fiancée as well. We basically planned out a lot of our future together now that there seems to be no end in our relationship. Funny thing though…just about a month ago, I barely thought that we were going to make it even as acquaintances. Finally at four in the morning we got off the phone so that I could get some sleep before I had to get up the next morning so I could get some studying done by the time for the 5:45 pm meeting with the OSU sorority.
Which brings me to today…I got up around 10 or so in the morning and I felt kind of worn out in a way. First thing I did was tell my parents about my and Zhen’s decision about us . Then Aunt Liu came over with her son to see our house and pick up a program from my dad. I took a nap and around 5:30 left for the meeting. On the way there was quite scary because it was basically raining cats and dogs outside. Scratch that…it was more like horses and elephants that were falling. I couldn’t see about 5 feet in front of me. Halfway there, the sky just cleared and the rest of the way there was quite successful. For having left late, I was one of the last people at the meeting. The people from OSU were extremely nice and causal. The girl that talked throughout most of it had just about the same personality as Vicky (the girl that started the whole Asian sorority idea at UC). What I found most interesting was the fact that they were sponsoring Asian American females with fertility or ovarian cancer and also had a financial problem (like no medical insurance). Something that our semi-sorority was planning to do.
The one thing that I felt was the most productive out of Sunday was that I learned how to change a tire. To put the whole story short, Mai had a flat and the five of us girls (two girls from OSU) got out and figured out how to change a tire with all the materials from Mai’s trunk. There was one guy that stopped to help so he helped us with prying the bolts loose and doing the actual changing. After that episode, we went to Buca di Beppo (a really cool Italian restaurant) I have never been to this place but I think I will definitely go again. The atmosphere was great for our purposes. That’s it for today.